Jokes for all occasions: thrift

A Scotchman was questioned by a friend:

“Mac, I hear ye have fallen in love wi’ bonny Kate McAllister.”

“Weel, Sanders,” Mac replied, “I was near—veera near—doin’ it, but the bit lassy had nae siller, so I said to meaself, ‘Mac, be a mon.’ And I was a mon, and noo I jist pass her by.”

* * *

The thrifty housewife regarded her dying husband with stern disapproval as he moaned and tossed restlessly from side to side.

“William Henry,” she rebuked him, “you jest needn’t kick and squirm so, and wear them best sheets all out, even if you be a-dyin’.”