Jokes for all occasions: profiteers

The wife of the profiteer discoursed largely on the luxuries of the new country estate.

“And, of course,” she vouchsafed, “we have all the usual animals—horses, cows, sheep, pigs, hens, and so forth.”

“Oh, hens!” the listener gushed. “Then you’ll have fresh eggs.”

“Really, I’m not sure. The hens can work, if they like, but of course in our position, it’s quite unnecessary—er, perhaps not quite suitable, you know.”

* * *

The advertisement offered for fifty cents a recipe by which to whiten the hands and soften them. Girls who sent the money received the following directions:

“Soak the hands three times a day in dish water while mother rests.”

* * *

“Are you sure this handbag is genuine crocodile skin?” the woman asked the shopkeeper.

“Absolutely,” was the reply. “I shot that crocodile myself.”

“But it is badly soiled.”

“Well, yes, of course. That’s where it hit the ground, when it fell out of the tree.”

* * *

Customer: “But if it costs twenty dollars to make these watches, and you sell them for twenty dollars, where does your profit come in?”

Shopkeeper: “That comes from repairing them.”