Jokes for all occasions: preparedness

The small boy was directed to soak his feet in salt water to toughen them. He considered the matter thoughtfully, and then remarked to himself:

“It’s pretty near time for me to ket a lickin’, I guess I’d better sit in it.”

* * *

The two scrub women met and chattered to this effect:

Mrs. Riley—Och, Missus O’Rafferty, I hear yez be worrukin’ noight an’ day.

Mrs. O’Rafferty—Yis, Oi’m under bonds to kape the pace for pullin’ the hair o’ that blaggard Missus Murphy; an’ the Judge tould me as if Oi touched her again he’d foine me tin dollars.

Mrs. Riley—An’ yez is worrukin’ so hard so’s to kape outen mischief.

Mrs. O’Rafferty (hissing viciously between her teeth)—No! Oi’m savin’ oop the foine.

* * *

The father entered the room where Clara, his daughter, was entertaining her young man.

“What is it, popper?” the young lady inquired.

Her father held out the umbrella which he carried.

“This is for John,” he explained. “It looks as if it might rain before morning.”