Jokes for all occasions: patriotism

The Scotchman returned to his native town, Peebles, after a first visit to London. He told the neighbors enthusiastically of his many wonderful experiences in the metropolis. There was, however, no weakening in his local loyalty, for at the end he cried out proudly:

“But, for real pleasure, gi’e me Peebles!”

* * *

There is no doubting the strong patriotism of the schoolboy who is the hero of this tale, although he may have been weak on history. During an examination in general history, he was asked:

“Who was the first man?”

He answered proudly, even enthusiastically, without any hesitation:

“George Washington, first in war, first in peace, first in the hearts——”

But the teacher interrupted ruthlessly:

“Wrong! Adam was the first man.”

The boy sniffed disgustedly.

“Oh!” he retorted. “I didn’t know you were talking about foreigners.”

* * *

The troops had been marching through a sea of mud for hours, when at last they were lined up for inspection before a general. In the evolution, a young cavalryman who had enlisted was thrown from his horse into the muck, from which he emerged in a dreadful state, though uninjured except in his feelings. The general himself, who had witnessed the incident, rode up, and preserving his gravity with some effort inquired of the trooper if he had suffered any hurt from the fall.

“Naw,” was the disgusted reply. “But if I ever love a country agin, you can kick me!”