Adult Joke Book: Wedding Bells

What do you say to a girl who can suck an olive through a straw?

Will you marry me?

* * *

The young man was so nervous on meeting his future fatherin-law that he blurted out, “Sir, may I have your daughter’s hole in handy matrimony?”

* * *

Johnny looked around the church and turned to his best man, saying, “You know Jack, apart from my wife-to-be’s two sisters, there’s not a woman in this church that I haven’t had.”

Jack replied, “Well, in that case, between the two of us we’ve had them all.”

* * *

There were some doubts about his wedding. On the great day his future father-in-law said to the vicar, “Why do you rope off the aisles?”

“So the groom can’t get away,” replied the vicar.

* * *

Chuck and Jan arrived at the Registry Office to fill in the forms required for their wedding in two weeks’ time. As Chuck wrote his name, the clerk told him he could not accept a nickname. He had better go next door to the Births, Deaths and Marriages Department to check out his full Christian name. So Chuck went next door and a few minutes later came back and duly filled in his name as Charles. But then it was Jan’s turn and she was also told to go next door and confirm her full name. In this case it was Janette.

“It’s a good thing I’m thorough,” said the clerk smugly, “or this marriage wouldn’t have been legal and any kids you might have had would be technical bastards.”

“What a coincidence,” said Jan, “that’s exactly what the bloke next door said about you.”